Are You Accidentally Reinforcing Your Child’s Anxiety?
- Confident Kids Club
- Feb 2
- 2 min read
As parents, we instinctively want to protect our children from distress. When they feel anxious, we step in to reassure them, help them avoid discomfort, or fix the problem. While these responses come from a place of love, research shows that how parents respond to their child’s worries can actually shape the way anxiety develops and persists.
A study published in Child Psychiatry & Human Development found that children with anxious parents were more likely to develop persistent anxiety themselves, especially when parents accommodated their child’s fears by adjusting daily life to avoid distressing situations (Lebowitz et al., 2013). Another study in The Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology confirmed that excessive reassurance and avoidance-based parenting strategies can unintentionally make anxiety worse over time (Comer et al., 2012).
The reason? When kids consistently avoid what makes them anxious, their brain learns, this really must be dangerous!—reinforcing the fear instead of helping them build the confidence to work through it.
5 Ways Parents Accidentally Make Anxiety Worse
Even the most well-intentioned parenting habits can contribute to anxiety growing stronger. Here are five common ways parents unintentionally reinforce anxiety:
Allowing Avoidance – Letting kids skip activities that make them anxious (like sleepovers, birthday parties, or school presentations) may provide short-term relief but teaches them that avoidance is the best way to handle fear.
Over-Reassuring – Constantly telling a child, “You have nothing to worry about,” or “I promise nothing bad will happen,” can make them dependent on others to feel safe rather than learning to manage uncertainty.
Accommodating Anxiety – Adjusting routines, speaking for a child, or removing stressors entirely (like doing their homework for them) may feel helpful but sends the message that they can’t handle challenges.
Avoiding Tough Conversations – Not addressing anxiety directly or dismissing a child’s worries (“Don’t be silly!”) can make them feel misunderstood and even more fearful.
Modeling Anxiety – Kids take cues from parents. If they see us avoiding discomfort, reacting with stress, or struggling with our own worries, they learn to do the same.
The Good News? Anxiety Is Manageable
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Parenting an anxious child is challenging, and no one gets it right 100% of the time. The key isn’t perfection—it’s learning how to respond in ways that help your child face their fears rather than avoid them.
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Sources:
Lebowitz et al. (2013): Family accommodation in pediatric anxiety disorders - PubMed
Thompson-Hollands et al. (2014): Parental accommodation of child anxiety and related symptoms: Range, impact, and correlates - PMC
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