If Co-Sleeping is the Only Way Your Child Feels Safe at Night, Here’s What to Do Next

Maybe your child starts the night in their own bed but ends up in yours by 2 a.m. Or maybe you’ve started sleeping in their room just so everyone can get some rest. Either way, it’s the only way they feel comfortable enough to sleep—and now, you feel like you’re moving further and further away from the peaceful nights you hoped for.

You want to help them sleep on their own, but the idea of forcing it feels impossible. Their worries at night are real, and you don’t want to add more stress. So how do you gently help them build confidence in their own bed—without long nights of anxiety, tears, or sleep deprivation for either of you?

Why Co-Sleeping Becomes the Only Option (And Why It’s Hard to Stop)

Anxiety makes the brain hyper-aware at night—so being alone feels uncomfortable. Co-sleeping provides instant relief—but doesn’t build confidence. Over time, sleeping alone can start to feel harder, making change seem impossible.

 The longer they rely on co-sleeping, the harder it feels to change—but the good news is, confidence can be built gently over time.

Teaching your child to step toward their bedtime fears in small, manageable ways—so their brain learns that they can handle it.

The ‘Brave Bedtime’ Plan: How to Help Your Child Sleep Independently (Without Tears or Guilt)

Teach Coping Skills for Bedtime Worries

Instead of ❌ "There’s nothing to be scared of!" try:

✅ "Feeling a little nervous at bedtime is okay! Let’s practice a skill to help your body feel calm."

✅ Deep breathing – Teach them a simple breathing exercise like “5-finger breathing” or “balloon breaths” to help their body relax.

✅ Guided relaxation – Use a story, meditation, or visualization to shift their focus.

✅ Self-talk strategies – Help them come up with a short phrase to repeat when feeling anxious, like "I can handle this," or "My bed is cozy, and I am calm."

Create a Step-by-Step Transition Plan

Moving from co-sleeping to independent sleep doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a ladder, not a leap.

Here’s what that transition might look like:

🔹 Phase 1: Parent sleeps in their child’s room (on a mattress, not in their bed).

🔹 Phase 2: Move the mattress closer to the door each night.

🔹 Phase 3: Parent sits outside the door, checking in periodically.

🔹 Phase 4: Parent sleeps in their own room, checking in periodically.

Each small step builds confidence! The goal isn’t to rush—but to help them see that they can sleep on their own.

Step 3: Encourage Small Steps Toward Fear (Not Away from It!)

When kids avoid something that makes them anxious (like being alone in their room), their brain learns: “Avoiding this = relief.” This makes fears stronger over time.

Instead, help them step toward their bedtime fears—little by little.

🔹 Fear of the dark? Start with dim lighting and play a fun “find the hidden object” game in low light.

🔹 Fear of being alone? Encourage them to stay in bed for 3 minutes before calling for you—then increase the time gradually.

🔹 Fear of falling asleep? Set up a “bravery challenge” where they stay in bed for one extra minute each night.

Celebrate small wins! – “You stayed in bed for 5 minutes longer tonight—amazing! What helped you do that?”

Helping them play an active role in their progress (instead of just “waiting to feel ready”) builds confidence over time.

Try This Tonight: The Worry Monster Box

One of the biggest reasons kids struggle with sleep is that their worries feel bigger at night. A simple way to help is by giving their worries a place to go—outside of their heads.

The Worry Monster Box is a fun, hands-on way to help kids release bedtime worries so they don’t take over.

✅ Step 1: Decorate a small box or envelope as their “Worry Monster.”

✅ Step 2: Have them write or draw their worry on a piece of paper.

✅ Step 3: Feed the worry to the monster before bed—symbolizing that their brain can let it go for the night.

Want the full step-by-step guide? Click here to read my post on the Worry Monster Box!

Struggling to Know What to Do (and How to Stay Consistent)?

You’re not alone! Many parents feel stuck—wanting to help their child sleep independently but unsure what actually works and how to stay consistent without making bedtime harder.

That’s exactly why I created the Bedtime Box—a science-backed, expert-approved roadmap that gives you clear, step-by-step guidance to help your child feel more confident at bedtime. No more second-guessing, no more trial and error—just a plan that works.

Inside, you’ll find bedtime tools designed using research-based strategies and reviewed by experts to help kids feel comfortable, confident, and in control—so you can both finally get the sleep you need.

Read about our bedtime roadmap here.

Hi, I’m Liz—a parent who’s been in the trenches of navigating childhood anxiety. Those experiences sparked a deep passion to help other families thrive. I’m on a mission to create simple, fun, and meaningful activities—like the Bravery Boxes—that bring families closer while building confidence and resilience in kids.

I hold a degree in Business with a minor in Psychology and am currently pursuing a master’s in counseling. I collaborate closely with pediatric mental health professionals to ensure the tools and strategies I share are grounded in evidence while staying easy to use at home.

At the heart of it all, I want to help families feel supported, connected, and empowered as they tackle life’s big and small challenges—together.